A Statement on Divorce & Remarriage - Part 2

Statement of Guidelines for Mutual Accountability

Marriage is a human relationship ordained and instituted by God (Malachi 2:14-16). [2] His original design was one man and one woman united by covenant and sexual union for life (Genesis 2:23-4). The relationship was a mystery in that it set forth symbolically in physical form the relationship between himself and his people (Eph. 5:21-33; Isaiah 54:5; Hosea 2:14-23; Ezekiel 16; Jeremiah 3:20).

Therefore, God hates divorce for what it does to people and for what it does to the glory of His own covenant with the church. Nevertheless, because of the deceit and power of sin and because of the remnants of corruption in human hearts, divorce still happens in the lives of some Christians. A mature and spiritual Christian may be forsaken by a disobedient or unbelieving spouse. Two professing believers may drift so far from the Lord that they no longer acknowledge in their hearts the authority of the Lord Jesus or the binding nature of their marriage covenant.

The church, as a spiritual family with commitment to Christ and earnest love for each other, should be ready to extend forgiveness, healing, reproof, discipline, correction and restoration wherever appropriate to its members.

The following guidelines should be read in the light and spirit of the preceding introductory paragraphs. MVCC does not want these guidelines to encourage divorce or weaken the commitment God means for Christians to have to their marriage covenant.

 

The Guidelines

1.    A believer and unbeliever should not marry (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-15). There are many instances where such a marriage occurs before becoming a part of MVCC, all such marriages are honored and supported here at MVCC. There are other instances when a believer chooses to marry an unbeliever out of ignorance or in defiance of biblical standards, those marriages will also be honored here at MVCC in hopes that the unbeliever will find Christ. However, because of the clear biblical standards, no such marriages will be performed at MVCC or by any of the pastoral staff of MVCC in other locations.

2.    Since death breaks the marriage bond (Rom. 7:2-3; 1 Cor. 7:39), remarriage is permissible without sin for a believing widow or widower, if the marriage is with another believer.

3.    Divorce may be permitted when there is a clear biblical basis for the divorce. We are not here dealing with remarriage (see #4 and #5). We simply acknowledge that there are times when the Bible permits separation.

MVCC wants to stress that "divorce" in this statement should not imply a decisive and permanent end to the relationship while the spouses are alive and not remarried. Even after long periods of separation and alienation reconciliation can happen, as when the people of God return to the Lord after periods of waywardness (Hosea 2:14-23). In addition, MVCC wants to stress that divorce in certain cases is permitted, and that this leaves the deserted, or abused spouse free to remarry (see #5).

Please emphasize that the phrase "may be permitted" holds out the possibility that inquiry may reveal that the deserted partner engaged in a wrong behavior that drove the other away, so that a change is called for at home rather than divorce.

In addition, it is emphasized that forgiveness and reconciliation between sinning spouses is preferable to separation or divorce even where adultery has occurred. This is implied in Matthew 18:21-22, "Then Peter came and said to Jesus, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?" Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.'" (See Luke 17:3-4 also)

4.    The remarriage of the aggrieving, divorced spouse may be viewed as severing the former marriage so that the unmarried spouse whose behavior did not biblically justify being divorced, may be free to remarry a believer (Matthew 19:9), if he or she has confessed all known sin in the divorce, and has made significant progress in overcoming any destructive behaviors and attitudes.

MVCC also affirms the goodness and beauty of a life of singleness in God's service both before marriage and after marriage. It is commended in 1 Corinthians 7:7, 11, 32-35, and elevated by the examples of Jesus and Paul and hundreds of great single saints.

5.    After serious efforts have been made toward reconciliation the aggrieved partners referred to in guideline #3 may, together with the leadership of the church, come to regard their marriages as irreparably broken. In such cases remarriage may be a legitimate step, if taken with serious reckoning that this cuts off all possibility of a reconciliation that God may yet be willing to produce.

6.    The aggrieving partners referred to in #3 (who were guilty of abandonment, adultery or abuse) should repent and be reconciled to God and to their spouses if it is still possible (1 Corinthians 7:11; 1 John 1:9).

7.    If a second marriage ends in death or divorce, the widow or widower in this case is not permitted to return to the first spouse in marriage (Deut. 24:1-4).

8.    The amount of time that has passed and the change in standing from unbeliever to believer does not alter the application of the guidelines for divorce and remarriage (See Matthew 19:4-6 which highlights the fact that enduring marriages are part of God's plan for all his human creation, not just his redeemed people.)

[1] For example, on the side of leniency toward remarriage there is Larry Richards, Remarriage: A Healing Gift from God (Waco: Word Books, 1981); and on the more rigorous side there is J. Carl Laney, The Divorce Myth (Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, 1981); and Geoffrey W. Bromiley, God and Marriage (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1980).

[2] "The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce" says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of Hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."